Monday, January 12, 2009


I'm exhausted.
Passed two exams today, wrote a load of shit.
One of those dumbass Charlie's Angels movies is on TV and I'm screaming at its sexism every five minutes (plus racism, stereotyping and general stupidness)

Last week's exams, that were cancelled because of the snow, have been change-to moments where I HAVE FUCKING EXAMS! so I'd better get down to uni tomorrow morning and rant.

Interesting discussion at Shakesville

All I know is that it would be easier if I were a man. But I don't want to be a man. I don't want to go through life as a male, in all likelihood unaware of my privilege, I don't want to be not interested in the things I'm interested in now.

What would change if I were a man?
I wouldn't be scared of going home at night, alone
I wouldn't have to fend off unwanted (attention as much)
I wouldn't be shot down as hysterical/angry/gossipy or whatever else is used to dismiss my opinion
I could pee standing up (always wanted to do that), never ever use birth control apart from condoms again (although that is all I use at the moment), never have a period which would be lovely.
I'd probably be another version of my brother, who's average-to-tall, blond, has the same eyes and a similar face structure to mine, and his hair is nearly as long. ANd seeing as the men in my family are skinny as hell, I'd be skinny as hell, in all likelihood. I'd just have dark hair, instead. I'd be a carbon copy of my dad. With straight hair.
My mother would be sad she no longer had a daughter for all the girly stuff we do together, even if it's just chatting.
My father would be sad too, because he's proud of me for who I am.

In my choice of studies, I would have been pushed towards the better schools more than I was, although I chose not to go. My sudden inability to comprehend math when I got to high school would have been questioned and possibly sorted out, although my parents tried to get me help(I went from an average of 15 out of 20 to an average of 5).
I'm in a predominantly female field of study, but I don't feel the males in my classes get more respect than I do. Perhaps because many of our teachers are highly-qualified females, or maybe I just didn't notice.

I'd be lauded for my interest in world affairs, instead of art students like the Ex's friends trying to teach me economics when I've been doing economics courses for the last six years and he never had.
I'd be confident and not aggressive, conversational instead of gossipy, proud instead of arrogant, cocky instead of insolent.

I'd miss my girlfriends, and the strong relationships i have with them.
I might be gay, but there are good chances I'd be bisexual, since at nineteen I'm far from having totally explored my sexuality, and I'm quite attracted to women, without knowing if I could go through with it.

I'd probably miss getting glammed-up, but I'd love dressing as a male-I do my best with my brother, but it's just not the same :P
I'd miss dancing the way I do, because it would look plain weird on a man.
I'd have been pushed towards guitar or saxophone or drums instead of flute when I started music.
I would probably have my driving license by now, instead of my parents letting me not bother.
I'd have to resist societal expectations to drink a lot more.I hardly drink, and it's unusual enough in a girl, to be completely amazing in a guy.

I'd probably be braver, and possibly have my dad's ease and immediate friendliness with people. I'm open and talkative, but as a woman I've been conditioned to be careful. Without this, I'd probably dare a lot more. I might have changed countries after high school, I might've been ready then, who knows.
I'd be mysterious instead of being intimidating and cold!


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