Saturday, July 18, 2009


So I finally caved in and decided to watch Twilight, and finally see what the hell everyone was going on about. I'm watching in right now, and I've got through twenty minutes of a 2-hour film.
So far :

-I think kristen stewart is a terrible actress
-WTF is with all those kids fawning over her the first minute she sets foot in school(the guys are all over her, the teen journalist thinks she has really good ideas,other girl thinks she's funny)?That seriously doesn't happen in real life.
-The faces Rob pattinson makes when he first has to sit next to her in biology are AWESOME. He looks like he's about to throw up.
-Jacob is pretty hot. So is Edward when he's not about to puke. Which is funny because those two have been all over the internets for ages and I'd never seen the appeal.
-Why is everything so damn grey?
-Her voiceover is fucking awful
-Edward is bloody unpleasant

-and now he's watching her sleep
-turns down nice dude because edward is watching her,but supposedly is because she's going to Jacksonville
-Edward wants to know WHAT is in jacksonville!!!Not creepy. especially the part where he only knows because he eavesdrops. And then she falls over AGAIN and he scolds her because she's clumsy. Sounds rather like my father, come to think of it.
-Edward is a prick.
-I like the asian dude.
-Edward is telling her to stay away from him, because he is BAD. (sound advice, as far as i'm concerned)
-Bella is a Very Good Friend to the girls.It's very obvious. She tells the dude she turned down to ask the girl who likes him (Jessica?) to prom, and tells the other to ask Eric (asian dude) to prom since he's not asking her ,and we all know it's because he likes Bella. Jeez. (and her advice works!)
-And three vampires eat some fisherman. This is the second death after some guy was "eaten by animals" earlier, and for the moment they're the only interesting thing in this film.
-shopping!pink and purple dresses!
-scary dudes in an alley start seriously harassing Bella, but Edward turns up!It's magic. Or stalking. And he wants to kill them because he knows the disgusting, disgusting things they were thinking.
-Edward says creepy things totally randomly.
-Trying to cut Bella some slack here, because hey, hard to believe and all that, but is she an idiot, or is it just me?Maybe he can't read her mind because....there's nothing to read!I'm mean. But seriously. Plus this blank slate vibe she's giving off is squicking me out.
-And now he's frustrated because he can't read her mind. Which is seriously disturbing. And she, instead of being, i don't know, relieved that this freaky dude can't hear what she's thinking, actually wonders if there's something wrong with her. Answer : YES.
-Really "romantic" moment where Edward goes "i don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore", and Bella flutters "then don't" is just hilarious. I don't get it. Seriously, this is the kind of sentence that should make a girl, or woman, think for a minute. Plus it feels sooo contrived. Might be the acting. It is not good.
-They've found the fisherman. Another "animal" attack. Bella's dad is sad.
-Bella's google-fu is awesome, and she has Understood.
-And she walks to the forest, and he follows her. And this is the lamest scene of the whole movie, up to now. Bella Knows!And she tells him! And she says 'i know what you are' and he goes "say it"and she says it!HE'S A VAMPIRE, you guys!
-Right, no, this is getting worse, he is running up to the top of the mountain so that she sees what he looks like in the sunlight. This actually, seriously blows. Vampires do not do sunlight, for christ's sake. And no place on earth is THAT cloudy. NO SUNLIGHT, Stephenie Meyer!
-SPARKLES!!!!!!Plus he opened his shirt so, you know, she could see him sparle properly. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
-Edward is a tortured soul. Teen angst.
-Now he is showing Bella how much stronger than her she is; he is designed to kill, has killed people. Plus he wanted to kill her. he wants her blood!
But she TRUSTS him.
-her smell is a drug to him.Just say no, Edward!
-Bella knows he can control his impulse to kill her!Now what does that remind me of?
Oh yes. Women as guardians of sex. You know the drill. Women don't like sex, only give it up because they want marriage and babies, blabla, that men only agree to because they want sex all the time. Wev.Back to the mountain! (actually the scenery is lovely. Only good point here.)
-Now Bella's only fear is losing him!They're in love!But no kissing.
-And now they're lying in (wet) grass, staring at each other. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC. The sun comes out!He sparkles again!

Funny how him sparkling makes me think more of christian iconography and angels than Someone's got all this slightly mixed up! But no, he's pure...he doesn't eat humans!(at the moment). Could probably work in some redemption themes in there somewhere. But it smells of religion to me.A lot.

-Edward has smiled!Everyone knows they're dating!Other vampires are not impressed!

-In this world, vampires have no restraint as soon as they get a whiff of human blood.
Like dudes supposedly have no restraint because their sex drives are so high?boys will be boys?

-Bella knows vampires killed those two people. And they all have special powers.

Okay, after 1 hour,1 minute and 30 seconds of this, I give up. I will try and finish it another time, but this movie?Is bad. And I like a lot of bad movies. I am no connoisseur. But this is just fucking terrible. And it's creepy that this is peddled to teenage girls as a great romance. I'm still looking for romance here, people!

This makes me wait for the next episode of True Blood even more. I miss Buffy :(

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